It has been one year since my dear friend ended his life. In the months following his passing, I did the only thing I know how to do - I made art.
This video and audio were entirely captured on my iphone, replacing my perfectionism with emotion, if only momentarily. I made this video as a way to sort through some of my feelings in the months following his passing.
Please take a look, if you'd like.
Feel free to ask me questions. We all seem to want to turn away when someone says the word suicide but that isn't helpful for any of us. I am open to sharing my personal experience, in any way that I can.
It is immensely important that we remember those who pass from suicide, no differently than it is important that we remember any others we have lost. The hardest part of my grieving journey was that people were afraid to talk about him. I found comfort in those who didn't turn away. I wanted to share his story. Sometimes the sad bits but also how amazing, funny, intelligent, warm and bright this individual is.
Yesterday would have been his 34th birthday, which hit me hard because my partner is the same age. I looked at him and thought about all of the life we have left to live together - to travel, to buy our first home, to watch his kids and my nieces and nephews grow up, to make art, to be with our friends... and I realized how unfair it is that he will not get to do this alongside us. It is unfair but yet it all makes sense. It doesn't get easier, missing someone, but we do learn to carry the weight of it, hopefully with more grace and love, as the years continue to pass by.
hold each other tight.